she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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