addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
