Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize