A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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