FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
