You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize