this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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