Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
