when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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