Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
