My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
