If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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