apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
