I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
