Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
As shirtless as possible
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
