best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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