there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
