I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
