He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
