shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
