spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
