I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
