I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
