my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
