chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
