There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
