i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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