Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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