I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Everyone says I win the strip club
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
