when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
