I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
