So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
