Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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