how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just threw up on my dentist
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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