clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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