I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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