all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
