She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
