that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
