So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
