we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
