bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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