Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
