woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
