I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
