I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I won the penis lottery.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
