Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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