I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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