3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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