he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
