I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
