I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
