Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
