i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
