Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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