I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
that's an acceptable place to lick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
