i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
