I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
