HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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