I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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