so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
barbara walters just said penis...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
