you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
