***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
