oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
