I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
