How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
