every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
