i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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