Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
