I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize