i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
