I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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