ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
