If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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