Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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