After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
