I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
