Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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