he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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