I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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