You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
